You know how it feels as a coach when you’re in the flow, you’re feeling confident, open, and in tune with your client. You’re in the zone. It feels great and you know you’re offering the value your client wants. The questions come easily, your intuition is spot on and the client is sparking with new insights and ideas about how to move forward.
On the other hand, it’s not so great when you have those days or sessions when you feel like you’re out of sync with your clients. You just can’t seem to get them to any new awareness, you’re distracted by the next best question to ask or how to get them to move forward and stop procrastinating. Finally, you resort to giving advice, which 9 times out of 10 times falls on deaf ears. The client leaves the session feeling ok but not as energized as you know is possible from coaching. You can’t figure out what to do next or how to get back into the flow again. You feel exhausted and you’re not sure why.
As coaches, we have the best of intention to support our clients, however, can fall short of our own expectations because we haven’t been consciously focusing on developing the essential skill of mindfulness.
Over the last 16 years of training coaches, I have been able to watch and listen to thousands of hours of coaching. I have discovered over and over again that those coaches that are able to masterfully support the client, have an abundance of one core ability.
This is the ability to stay present and mindful within the coaching conversation.
They are able to listen deeply without the distraction of the next best question to ask, or how to get this client from A to B, or proving their value, or what tool or technique to use, they trust the energy of the conversation and their presence is enough to create the awareness that is needed to support the client.
They notice the subtle nuances of the conversation, the changes of energy, the underlying emotions, and other subtle patterns in the way the client is expressing themselves. They can quickly pick up on and trust their intuition. There is also a sense of equal partnership in the relationship. The coach trusts the client to guide the conversation, and the client trusts the coach to support them and hold the space.
Masterful coaches have developed the ability to turn up and be present no matter what is happening internally or externally.
They have hardwired the skill of Mindfulness i.e. bringing your attention back to the present moment, in an open, accepting and non-judgmental way. They are able to notice when they are distracted by internal thoughts or the external environment, then bringing their attention back to what is arising in the moment. This isn’t easy because we are so hardwired for ruminating on the past and future, that focusing on the present moment seems unnatural and hard work. However, just like any skill, it takes time, to practice and rewire the brain for the present moment. Harvard-affiliated researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) did a study in 2011, where they had participants practice mindfulness on average for 27 minutes a day for 8 weeks. They took an MRI scan of the brain at the beginning and end of the 8 weeks, they found that even in this short time the brain started to change and there was ‘increased gray-matter density in the hippocampus, known to be important for learning and memory, and in structures associated with self-awareness, compassion, and introspection’. There was also a decrease of gray matter in the amygdala which is associated with an increased ability to regulate emotions i.e. decrease stress and anxiety. Even a short period of mindfulness each day has an impact. At first practicing mindfulness seems difficult, however after a period of time, it becomes easier, just like playing a new instrument. It takes practice, repetition, and a good teacher to guide you through the challenges. Even if you just start with 5-10 minutes before each of your coaching sessions, you will notice the difference in your ability to be fully present with your clients and provide the maximum value.